The was the First but now the Second Golf-Chat Ryder Cup thread

[BlueCoverman]

I thought you might like to know that the first Golf-Chat Ryder Cup fixture will be taking place on this Thursday. Representing the United States of America will be 1GrumpyGolfer from Pennsylvania (who is still celebrating after recently becoming a Grandfather) and representing Europe will be BlueCoverman from Essex. This eagerly anticipated event will be taking place at the Five Lakes Crown Plaza Resort and tickets are still available to purchase  
 
Spectators should be warned that anybody shouting 'get in the hole' or 'mashed potato' will be forcibly removed by security  

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Oi! I'm not a Yank but I suppose if Petterssen is known as the Redneck Swede I could accept being the Redneck Essex boy.

Any supporters who wish to yell in home turf Blue's backswing will be most welcome

[Mary_S]

Glad to see that Blue has ordered up some decent weather for this historic match.

[1GrumpyGolfer]

I'd like to think that I brought some of the 90 degree weather we had on the East Coast with me Mary; had nothing to do with Blue

[BlueCoverman]

Ok you can take the glory for the weather Grumps, as long as you don't take all the glory on Thursday

[1GrumpyGolfer]

I'm thinking you'll be more like bad Tiger on the front nine allowing me to relax too much on the back nine making it interesting down the last.

[scarpa]

Go Grumpy, Go Grumpy, Go Grumpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Please don't take offence Blue, I'm just lending some support to the underdog, sounds like he could do with it

[BlueCoverman]

No offence taken scarpa, but don't let him kid you he is an Essex boy too before he took a trip across the pond!

Beautiful day here today, looking forward to meeting Grumps and a game of golf in the sunshine later

[Davie]

On course tweet updates?

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Thank you for the best wishes Scarpa, I'll try and do you proud. Feeling like a bit of an underdog today, and I know this is getting my excuses in early, but I think driving one of these manual cars has helped give me a touch of tendonitis in one of my ankles.

But beware the injured golfer and all that, the weather is fantastic, so bring on the match. Have you got Ivor Robson doing the first tee announcements Blue?

[1GrumpyGolfer]

On course tweet updates?

No service for me Davie so we'll have to rely on the unbiased Blue

[scarpa]

with this warm weather, rumour has it tarka is carrying spare towels for any necessary face and hand patting the competitors may require

[scarpa]

i'm sure you should get a couple of extra strokes for suspected tendonitis grumps - either that or you get a free whack at one of blues ankles on the first tee.

[oldshanker]

Have you got Ivor Robson doing the first tee announcements Blue?

I hear that Ivor Robson was otherwise engaged, but BCM managed a real coup and booked Ivor the Engine instead. That was OK, but having Nogbad the Bad as his caddie was I think a marionette too far. I don't know, what do you think??

Should all be about over apart from the shouting.

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Yesterday I met BlueCoverman who, despite some of his posts on here (use of emoticon: just kidding Blue), was a kind, considerate, and generous host. I also got to meet Mrs Blue who was very nice too. If there was one criticism of him it was that he was wearing the wrong visor as he was kitted out in Ping clobber to match his clubs.

Warming up on the range, having just liberally applied suntan lotion, and sweating like a glass blower's arse I was glad Tarka had another engagement and wasn't available to provide towelling service. Blue, then ordered up some light breeze as we moved over to the practice green area, see I told you he was a considerate host, he made sure I still had some suntan lotion on and surreptiously moved upwind of me in the practice bunker and proceeded to pebble-dash me a few times Maybe I should have had a whack at his ankles to even things up.

The first tee area proved to be a little busy as we made our way towards the course, I did think word had gone around about this historic match, as two groups who had started on 10 making the turn. We decided to go off the tenth, playing the course in its original configuration, and Blue allowed me the honour; begrudgingly I think as I didn't get to keep it for very long or many times.

We were probably close to one of the furthest parts of the course when Blue's electric trolley started creaking ominously and maybe one hole later it died. Not willing to drag his clubs around he radios Mrs Blue to fetch her electric trolley out to him and a couple of holes later she arrived; I told you she was a keeper, I think Mrs Grumps would have laughed hysterically at me and told me through tears to get on with it.

We were relatively close scorewise through the first nine holes and as we made the turn sandwiches were produced by Blue from his cavernous bag along with a bottle of water; told you he was a nice guy. I sneaked another shot closer through the first hole of our back nine but that must have upset him. Ball eating rough was then ordered up by Blue and his Steady-Eddie golf over Wayward and Woeful was enough to see Blue comfortably home to a Ryder Cup style ass-whopping victory over this exile.

The return match is still to be arranged but the offer has been extended and I think home turf advantage will allow me to salvage some pride. If that’s not enough spooking Blue with tales of dangerous wildlife should help.

[LadyPutt]

Great report, Grumps. Glad you both had a lovely time

[Mary_S]

Sounds like you both had a great time - excellent reporting Grumps.

[BlueCoverman]

It was certainly a pleasure to meet Grumps (and Mrs Grumps) yesterday and we spent a very pleasant afternoon on the golf course in beautiful sunshine.

I too was very relieved not to see Tarka and his dodgy towels and it is true that I managed to accidentally cover Grumps in sand just after he had applied his suntan lotion!

The match was very close and it was only on the back nine when Grumps started to find the ball eating rough (that I had specifically instructed the head greenkeeper to grow for this very occasion) that I managed to sneak the advantage.

Grumps has indeed made the very generous offer of a return match which I will very much look forward to in the hopefully not too distant future. Not too sure about that dangerous wildlife though!

[oldshanker]

Check the dates of that return match if I were you BCM. Grumps course is under 6 ft of snow from October to April.

Well done on your win though.

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Check the dates of that return match if I were you BCM. Grumps course is under 6 ft of snow from October to April.

Don't you worry about that OS. It's got to take place in temperatures of 30+ otherwise the snakes, ticks, bobcats, bears, and any other wildlife won't be out and about

[oldshanker]

Hmm - that's the local female population covered, now what about the wildlife?

I'll get my coat.

[BlueCoverman]

It's got to take place in temperatures of 30+ otherwise the snakes, ticks, bobcats, bears, and any other wildlife won't be out and about

Snakes!!!...who said anything about snakes?

[1GrumpyGolfer]

It's got to take place in temperatures of 30+ otherwise the snakes, ticks, bobcats, bears, and any other wildlife won't be out and about

Snakes!!!...who said anything about snakes?

Did I forget to mention those Blue? must have got caught up with the bigger animals. The snakes aren't too bad and I've only ever seen one that I wouldn't be caught near.

[BlueCoverman]

In that case if there is any ball eating rough as well, don't be expecting me to help you look for your ball this time

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Just make you're carrying a wedge with you Blue; they're great snake killers

[1GrumpyGolfer]

So after scaring Blue with all the dangerous wildlife we have around the course I managed to get myself bitten by a tick last night. I only noticed the little bar steward this morning so he had been munching away for about 12 hours. After liberally applying shower gel, to the back of my arm, I was able to loosen him enough to extract him. The thing is I was only cutting the grass and was nowhere near the course.

[BlueCoverman]

The moral of that story is that when the grass needs cutting head for the golf course...

[1GrumpyGolfer]

Yesterday an on course rivalry was renewed as the Redneck Essex boy took on the EssexCoverman at Five Lakes.  
 
Must admit to feeling a lot more confident this time around as there were no injury concerns before this grudge great match.  Traffic problems did cause me to be a little late, okay a lot late, but it was easy to spot Blue in his Ping shirt waiting patiently for me .  An exchange of pennants commemorating the occasion took place before heading to the practice ground.
 
Remembering what happened last time I took great care to avoid the application of sunscreen before Blue had finished his bunker practice.  As I mentioned I felt a lot better by being able to walk properly and actually effect a proper weight transfer that warming up on the range I became a bit overconfident.  After way too many unmentionables and scaring of players on the 6th tee Blue wisely decided to get the hell away from me in case it was catching.  I thought I would be in trouble as last year I had an excuse for woeful play, this year I was going to have to think of something
 
Blue gave me the honour obviously thinking he was going to get it back on the second hole.  He had me thinking that after he carried the bunkers down the left and kicked on to about five yards short of the green!  After each having three pars in the first four holes it was all square but Blue had to wait for the fourth tee to take the honour and he didn't relinquish it for a while.  A wayward stretch battered my card in the middle but an up and down for a highlight reel got me back on track on the 8th.  With the ball on a downslope about an inch from the edge of a deep bunker, a rather top heavy Grumps was leaning forward, Blue was watching intently for me to either flubb it into the trap or skull into the lake on the other side of the green and fall head first into the bunker.  A deft little flick saw me knock the ball onto the green leaving about a six footer with very little break.  In the end it was Mr Steady Eddie who was sweating over his par having left his birdie attempt woefully short  I should have birdied the ninth after knocking the approach to about five feet but over read the break and settled for par.  2 down due to that woeful middle was not so bad.  
 
On the back nine and another visit to the beach on the 10th a first sandy was made and the deficit was further reduced after Blue three putted.  I made the mistake of bigging up my short game as we walked to the 11th green as we both missed it.  Yes, dear reader you guessed it.  I promptly screwed that one up and was back to two down and the back nine score was ruined already.  Blue started to turn the screw with a birdie on the par 5 12th after visiting trees and rough down the right hand side.  The thirteenth allowed me to pull within two again after I had ballooned the tee shot miles right but I promptly gave it back on the next one despite almost chipping in.  With an opportunity to keep the match alive on the par 3 16th we were both deep into three putt country and both three putted Final hole glory was not to be after laying up with my 17 degree putter and settled for a regulation par instead.

A three and two defeat sees Europe hold onto the Golf-Chat Ryder Cup but I reckon if Europe gives up home advantage it might be a different story. The weather was very pleasant, the company was great, the golf was a little so-so but it was all very enjoyable. The 19th hole beckoned but we headed for the curry house instead and the USA took the eating rights there demolishing everything that was put in front of me.

Later in the week Essex will take on Berkshire but we get the feeling that we're about to be fleeced...

[Davie]

Great story telling from the Grump-meister there! Good game guys

Essex vs Berks (sic) eh? Didn't think that was a definite yet? Could be fun that way to see if home advantage gives the edge to two middle-aged hackers, but other combinations could be just as good!

BTW don't be alarmed when you see the sign at the first tee warning about snakes .. I don't know anyone seen one yet though there was a rather disturbing picture posted on facebook yesterday!

No rattles on them though Grumps ;-)

[BlueCoverman]

Just back from a society day at the magnificent Thorndon Park near Brentwood...I do some work sometimes honest! (Just not much this week!   )

It was indeed a pleasure to meet up with Grumps again, even if he did keep me waiting for nearly an hour but hey it's not like he used to live round these parts is it?   

Knowing how sore Grumps still was from getting covered with a tiny bit of sand last year, I did restrict my bunker practice to when he was fine-tuning his iron play in the range. A lovely evening at the Lakes and a nice quiet course made for a very pleasant round and a good match ensued with some decent play on both sides. The highlight of which was undoubtedly the up and down that Grumps made on 8 from an almost impossible position. Even Phil Mickelson would have been proud of that one!

I was pleased to retain the Golf-Chat Ryder Cup on behalf of Europe of course, absolutely no doubt that despite my best efforts the USA took the eating rights later on!

Looking forward to Essex v Berks on Thursday, not too worried about the snakes Davie...unless they are basking in the middle of the fairway they won't bother Grumps and I    (Well not Grumps anyway!)

[LadyPutt]

Gallacher, Pouler and Westwood are the three wildcard picks - not surprised but a little puzzled, especially Westwood who is having a 'mare of a season!

[BlueCoverman]

Whoever the picks were lets just hope that Europe can get a similar result to the Golf-Chat Ryder Cup held earlier in the summer!

[Davie]

I'd have still liked to see Luke and Lee along with Poults as the captain's picks. Gallagher is in great form but I'd still have gone with the old guard. If one had to make way for Gallagher though I think Luke was the one to miss out.

I wonder what silk purse Tom Watson will make out of his sow's ear choices later tonight!

Europe, especially on home soil still look good to me - though if the Jocks vote for independence later this month will Gallagher be the only home player?

[LadyPutt]

Tom Watson's picks pretty predictable - Bradley, Simpson and Mahan.  

McGinley had picked Miguel-Angel Jimenez, Jose Maria Olazabal and Padraig Harrington as his other vice-captains - why did he need 5 of them? Why Harrington????

[Davie]

Just realized this is the Golf-Chat Ryder cup thread and not that tip pot thing they are playing for at Gleneagles

I think we need another home for the other cup chat!

[BlueCoverman]

Quite right too...I was just going to mention that this thread is clearly only for the important stuff  

[LadyPutt]

Sorry

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